Where’s My “On Button”?
Just push my button honey, I’m ready for sex!
I wish I could locate my “On Button.” Maybe my husband knows where it is. After 16 years of marriage, though, I’m pretty sure if he knew he’d push it morning and night (I don’t include “noon” in that list since we both work, but if he knew there was a button that would “turn me on” he would find it - no matter how long it took - and push it).
I wish I knew where it is…or even what it is! I want to have sex, I like the sex…heck, I even like my husband. But I just don’t have the desire! Or is it “libido”? I was wondering if those are the same thing, and I figured a little research was needed. So, I looked them up.
When you type “desire” into Google.com, among the results is a page from Wikipedia. It states that desire as an emotion is a “sense of longing or hoping.” Wikipedia goes on to list the term “lust,” which it defines as an “intense craving for self gratification,” and then “libido” defined as “sexual desire”…Ahhh, I see. Libido is desire of the sexual form. Just to be fair, I also googled libido to make sure there was a general consensus of the definition.
So, to find my “On Button”, I should focus on my sexual desire, which is libido. Ok. Good. Now, what makes me have sexual desire? What makes me not have sexual desire? Are those things the same for all women? My first guess is no, but maybe there are a lot of commonalities. Is there a list somewhere of things that affect my sexual desire? Can I do anything to influence that list? Can I increase my sexuality? Can I increase my desirability?
Female libido is a component of sexuality, and sexuality is an important component of health, quality of life and overall well-being. It affects the way we relate to ourselves, our partners, and other people in our lives. Sexuality is more than the biologic urge to reproduce; it involves the timeless desire for emotional and physical intimacy.
Did you know that the lack of sexual desire is considered to be the most common complaint among women? Sexual dysfunction in women is characterized by a lack of desire, arousal, or orgasm. Both sexual function and desire are controlled in part by hormones (notably testosterone and estrogen, where both men and women produce both hormones but men make more testosterone and women make more estrogen). Sex drive is fueled by hormones, and if these hormone levels fluctuate so do female emotions. Sexual desire is the key for any woman who is feeling discouraged about her drop in libido, and keeping those female libido hormones in check is the trick to maintaining that healthy amount of sexual desire.
What Causes Libido Impairment?
According to Wikipedia, women sometimes experience sexual desire that is impaired, reduced, or just not present at all. Not surprisingly, factors that contribute to diminished libido can be both psychological and physical.
Reduction in libido can be caused by psychological causes such as stress, distraction, depression, emotional trauma or abuse, performance anxiety, or body image issues. It may also derive from the presence of environmental stressors such as prolonged exposure to elevated sound levels or bright light. Physical factors that can affect libido can include hypothyroidism, levels of available testosterone, effects of certain prescription medications, various lifestyle factors and, according to studies, the attractiveness and biological fitness of one's partner. Women's libido is also correlated to their menstrual cycle, and many women experience heightened sexual desire in the several days immediately before ovulation.
It’s the HERmones…They’re Running Amuck!
Hormones are a critical component of normal sexual response. Low levels of hormones like testosterone, estrogen and DHEAS can contribute significantly to a woman's low sex drive. Although it’s common for a woman’s partner to think she’s not in love with him anymore or no longer finds him attractive when her sex drive drops, often her hormonal imbalances are to blame.
Hormone imbalances can cause symptoms such as hot flashes, insomnia, mood swings, and fatigue. If you are experiencing all or some of these symptoms, one option is to go see your doctor and ask about treatments. Hormone replacement should address both the loss of estrogen AND androgen (testosterone is a type of androgen) and should have a very small continuous dose of progesterone thrown in (to prevent buildup of the uterine lining and possible consequential infection or cancer).
Menopause is another one of the biggest causes of sexual dysfunction in women. Menopause usually occurs in a woman's late 40s and early 50s, when the ovaries no longer make enough estrogen to produce and support a menstrual cycle. Menopause causes hormones to fluctuate and gradually decline, which can result in mood swings, hot flashes, and a loss of sexual desire.
Not tonight Honey, I have a headache.
Stress has a huge negative impact on your sex drive and is likely to spoil everything. In fact, stress is one of the major gates by which the “don’t” factor enters your life. Daily stresses return to overwhelm and pressure builds up. Stress is one thing, but being depressed really puts a damper on things. Women are mental and kinesthetic creatures, and we are greatly affected by our senses (smell, sight, and touch) and even what’s on our minds.
There are ways to heighten our moods by just setting the right tone and atmosphere around us. This can be as simple as creating “mood lighting” or by infusing the room with the scents from oils, incense or candles. Choosing scents with aphrodisiac properties will help to induce relaxation and sexual wants. With the right lighting and scents that not only arouse sexual desire but also encourage relaxation you can combat the lack of passion that stress can cause.
For women, sexual pleasure is a mental thing. Stressors and other tensions can easily hinder our ability to let our worries and minds go long enough to enjoy the physical sensations from sex. Mental distractions can keep any woman from fully enjoying intimate moments. If the mood isn’t right, the ambiance is off, and we can’t think past the pile of clothes needing to be washed, we have defeated ourselves and kept our sexual passions from heightening. It all starts with getting the right mindset! Taking the time to light candles, slip into something that increases personal confidence, let ourselves be overcome by the sensual opportunity and release the worries of the day is a rather easy way to recover the sexual desire we seek.
